Street view shot of Monk’s Cafe mid-morning traffic. George sits opposite Kramer in the normal booth, who is nearer to the door. There are menus, two water glasses, salt and pepper, coffee creamer and sugar, and a napkin dispenser on the table.
KRAMER: What are you gonna eat?
GEORGE: I’m still deciding.
KRAMER: Well what are you looking at?
GEORGE: I’m narrowing it down.
KRAMER: Oh. . . Hey George?
GEORGE: What!? Did I bother you when you were looking? Just give me a minute over here!
KRAMER: Oh. . . Yah. I guess that’s fair. It’s just that. . .
GEORGE: finally moves menu to look Kramer in the eye and motions ‘spit it out roll’ with hand.
KRAMER: Can you move to your left.
GEORGE: Excuse me?
KRAMER: Your left.
GEORGE: Impatiently. Why?
KRAMER: Your head it’s reflecting the light right into my eye.
GEORGE: Pulls a tin of wax from his pocket and polishes his head. Oh. . . Really?
Jerry enters through cafe door.
JERRY: Georgie boy, K-man, what’s happening? He shoos Kramer over and takes his seat.
GEORGE: You’re in a good mood. I guess somebody has to be. Where were ya?
JERRY: I just woke up. Got tied up last night with Luna. Raises his eyebrows and sighs. I’ll tell you about it later.
KRAMER: Que Bueno! No?
GEORGE: What kind of a name is Luna?
JERRY: She’s from California.
GEORGE: nods. Alright. I know what I want.
JERRY: puts hand up, and appears to be blinded. Well whatever you get, make sure you get some more Crisco for that disco ball on top of your neck.
GEORGE: Oh go ahead. What are we in third grade? Enough with the bald jokes.
KRAMER: You’ve been bald since third grade?
Elaine enters, looking disheveled.
George is thrilled to have an opportunity to divert attention from his cranium.
GEORGE: Elaine, you ok?
JERRY: What happened?
ELAINE: Sits down next to George. I thought I ordered a virgin bloody mary this morning, widens eyes and purses lips, then I had a dentist appointment and I now have this awful headache.
JERRY: With Whatley?
ELAINE: Yeah, I had to have a filling re-done. I had the laughing gas.
JERRY: Well I wouldn’t worry about it. Have some water. slides her a glass of water.
ELAINE: Thanks, Jer.
GEORGE: That was my water!
JERRY: Well, get another one.
GEORGE: You don’t understand I had exactly the right amount of lemon in it.
ELAINE: takes a sip. No, not quite. It’s a bit much for me.
KRAMER: Let me see. takes it from Elaine’s hand. HMM. No, she’s right. If you put a sweetener in there it’ll even it out.
GEORGE: You know now that everyone has touched it, tasted it, and criticized it, I’m really not thirsty anymore.
JERRY: Well that worked out. Kramer, did you end up putting money on the Super Bowl?
GEORGE: So, how’d you do?
KRAMER: Eh-Guh-guh-guh fwwwww. flicks hand.
ELAINE: Serves you right, gambling when you could be doing something useful with your money, something selfless, you might as well have donated it to charity.
KRAMER: But I won too.
GEORGE: What do you mean.
KRAMER: I lost the spread on the game, but I won the net punting average.
JERRY: You bet on the punting?
KRAMER: scoffs. Jerry, you can’t put all your eggs in one barrel.
JERRY: Well, I suppose if you’re going to bet on punting, you might as well put your eggs in a barrel.
ELAIN: My head feels like a barrel of eggs. . .
GEORGE: So are you up or down?
KRAMER: Up. I think. . . he calculates using his fingers. I also lost the number of field goals, but then I won on the number of back-up dancers in the halftime show.
END SCENE ONE
ALL CHARACTERS ARE PROPERTY OF SEINFELD, CBS, CASTLE ROCK ENTERTAINMENT, AND CREATORS LARRY DAVID AND JERRY SEINFELD. THIS IS SIMPLY AN IMITATION OF THEIR CREATION AND IS ONLY FOR FUN. IMITATION IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF PRAISE. IT IS NOT FOR ANY FORM OF PROFIT. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PROVIDE FEEDBACK.